Friday, September 14, 2007

This Is the Burden We Bear

This week, a major chain bookstore opened in the city where I live, for which I am very grateful. I'm especially grateful because on the store's opening night, I won the $50 gift certificate door prize.

And I knew exactly what I was going to get with it:

I figured the giant hardcover Planet Hulk collection was a good purchase because it's something I've wanted, though I've been reluctant to drop the $40 to actually get it. Plus, I have a discount card for this particular chain, which offers 20% off of hardcovers. Or so I thought.

When I was ready to check out, I set the book down on the counter along with my gift certificate and my discount card. I then asked the male clerk, "Will I be getting 20% off with this?"

The clerk proceeded to flip the book around in his hand for a bit, and then said, "No. The 20% off only works on ADULT hardcovers. This will get the 10% discount."

Before I could reply, a female clerk came by, looked at the book, and said to me, "Are you buying this for yourself?"

"Yes," I responded.

"Really?" she returned, disbelieving.

"Yes, really." At this point, I wished that Ph.D.s were issued some kind of badge or ID card that I could flip out at moments like this so that I could dramatically add, "And I'm also a doctor!" But, unfortunately, I don't have any such visual aid, and I desperately wanted something to show that this is a perfectly viable purchase, even for a person with a high level of education.

So, I thought, here we are.

Meanwhile, the other clerk completed ringing up the purchase and announced, "Your total comes to $34.55."

Though I'm not very proficient in math, I quickly realized that the difference between the actual cost of the book and this number was more than 10%.

"It looks like I did get the 20% off after all," I said, trying not to gloat, but wanting to leap in the air, landing in a wide stance with my finger pointing and shouting, "Ha Ha! Charade, you are!"

The clerk squinted at the screen and then pulled back in disbelief, saying, "I guess so. Huh. I wouldn't've thought this would be considered 'Adult.'"

Not feeling the least bit vindicated, I took my purchase and left the store, longing for the dark, uninviting, porn-shop-like atmosphere of my local comic store, where the clerks may be judgmental, but at least they don't judge the maturity level of my purchases.


Chance said...

You should have replied, "Really? 'Cause that's not what your mom said."

Then you should have farted and ran out the door.

That would have showed him who was mature.

Chris Sims said...

Maybe she meant "Adult" Hardcovers as in, you know... adult. Still, though, with the six-page hard anal scene between Miek and the Brood, you'd think it'd qualify.

Anonymous said...

Chance, he actually should have said "Really, 'cause that's not what your mom said. Last night. When I had sex with her"

Shouldn't overestimate this person's comprehension skills.

Dr. K said...

Hey, Chris, how about tossing your boy a "spoiler alert" once in a while?

Anonymous said...

That really sucks. When I buy comics at Major Chain Bookstore, the clerks engage me in conversation about How Awesome Is Matt Wagner, Really or The Explodiest Manga of All Time.

Maybe they were just new?