The Super-Sons in "The Town of Timeless Killers!"

Continuing with more of the wacky Bob Haney stories featuring the sons of Superman and Batman, here's "The Town of Timeless Killers" from World's Finest 242.

I bought this comic on the newstand in 1976, mainly because I found the cover fascinating. And with that, you can draw a straight line from 7-year-old Dr. K to today's Dr. K.


Back in World's Finest 233, the Super-Sons were driving a Mystery Machine-style van through the American South. Now, they're dunebuggying in the Southwest. Bruce Jr., having been raised in a world where he can rely on his own wealth or the superpowers of his friend to get him out of trouble, shows reckless disregard for property and life by attempting to "thread the needle." He ends up wrecking the buggy, and Clark Jr. escapes from the wreckage but discovers that his powers are gone.

With no means of transportation, they make their way on foot to a nearby ghost town, called Dry Gulch, where they find a strange cemetery.

I love the epitaphs on these gravestones. I wonder, though, to what Mary "objected" that got her killed by "Lever" Monroe.

Also, this panel contains a clue to the story's eventual outcome, but there is no possible way anyone would actually get it.

Before the boys can investigate the cemetery further, they are immediately attacked by "Kid Bowie," who announces himself with a tagline.

Quick lesson in tagline writing: if you have to repeat your name twice in the tagline, it's not working.

Also, Clark Jr. turns out to be a real wuss here. One little cut on the shoulder and he faints dead away. Not such a big tough guy without daddy's powers, huh?

Bruce Jr. then has to carry the useless son of Superman to safety, but his escape is blocked by another of Dry Gulch's residents: Jack Slade.

Just as Kid Bowie threw a knife to Clark Jr. before slicing him, Jack Slade offers Bruce Jr. a sporting chance of defending himself by tossing a gun in his general direction.

Instead of taking him up on the offer, Bruce Jr. ducks down an alley, where he comes under fire from the third gunfighter in Dry Gulch: "Lever" Monroe, who rocks both the poncho and the handlebar mustache.


Bruce manages, somehow, to escape and climb up into a water tower, all while carrying the prostrate half-Kryptonian.

During the night, Bruce leaves Clark behind and searches for information. He first discovers that the town is covered in a force field that keeps them from escaping while also eliminating Clark's powers. Bruce's search also uncovers the true nature of the town's denizens: over 100 years ago, the three killers slaughtered everyone in the town after a mine cave-in released the force field. This plot qualifies as relatively sane for a Bob Haney comic.

While they make their plans, a scream is heard from outside the water tower, and Bruce descends to rescue a young hiker named Suzie Wells, who claims to be threatened by the deadly trio.


Suzie convinces the boys that they need to face their attackers, so they hatch a plan. This plan involves the pair donning their superhero costumes, though where they've been keeping these costumes is unclear.

What follows is a series of plot developments that lead to the defeat of the killers but make very little sense, and they reveal to us today just how little DC thought of its readers' intelligence in the 70s.

1) Batman Jr. stuffs "an old miner's blasting vest" under his costume to protect himself from Kid Bowie's knife. For some reason, this vest appears to be either invisible or in the shape of a well-defined, muscular torso.


2) Superman Jr. challenges Jack Slade to a showdown, but tricks the gunfighter by replacing himself with a mirror. Slade, somehow, does not manage to see his own reflection in the mirror, nor does he see the outline or shadow of the mirror.

Superman Jr. then guns down Slade, but uses bullets made from candle wax to do so. This is bullshit.


3) Finally, Batman Jr. challenges "Lever" Monroe to a sharpshooting contest, where the rifleman has to shoot out a spade from all thirteen cards in the suit. "Lever" does this, but fails to realize that he's emptied his gun. For this, he gets a kick in the face, which makes this the best plan of the three.

Little did we know, however, that Haney had a twist in store for us (albeit one that is telegraphed by the cover, much like in World's Finest 233): Susie Wells is not all that she seems.


Superman Jr. manages to defeat The Bullwhip Queen when his powers suddenly return. Even when I was 7 years old, I called bullshit on this explanation.


Once the bad guys are rounded up, the duo load them into a wagon and take them out through the needle eye that led to Dry Gulch. However, Haney has another twist in store when the villains are brought to the authorities.


Man, I love DC Comics from the 70s, but a story like this really shows how much nostalgia can often mask the sheer crappiness of these comics. I'm curious to see how fans react to the reprints of these stories in the new collection, The Saga of the Super-Sons, which came out yesterday.

The Super-Sons in "World Without Men!"

Arriving in comic stores next week from DC is the trade paperback collection Superman/Batman: The Saga of the Super-Sons, which reprints a load of Bob Haney-written stories from the 1970s where Superman and Batman's sons team-up in adventures that were supposed to be "in continuity." I can guarantee that this collection will meet your FDA-endorsed dietary requirement for craziness.

As a preview, I thought I'd share with you today the amazing Super-Sons story from World's Finest 233, "World Without Men!" (Not to be confused with "It's a Woman's World!".)



As was popular in the 70s, especially in DC Comics stories, Superman Jr. and Batman Jr. have hit the road to find America, and this adventure seems to have taken them into Gator McClusky's neighborhood.

When given a choice between the civilized, relatively safe, but unnamed "State Capital" and the potentially dangerous ghost town of Belton, the junior heroes obviously decide to reject the warnings of the local color and head toward danger.

The Super-Sons make their way to Belton, where they find a rundown old blacksmith shop that appears to have some activity inside. Expecting to see "some muscle-bound ghostly geezer pounding away" (and who wouldn't want to walk in on that scene?), they are instead pleasantly surprised by the local smithy.

Note to readers: Shouting out "Yeeow! A chick?! A gorgeous girl!?" when you first enter a place of business is not recommended.

The boys soon find that the local blacksmith is not the only gender oddity--the whole town is entirely populated by women, or, to use Bruce Jr.'s words, "beautiful chicks!"

Bruce automatically assumes they've hit the 70s free hippie love jackpot in Belton, but that proves not to be the case, as the local policewoman--or, as Bruce calls her, "police chick"--quickly gives them a parking ticket with a fine of $500. Bruce then appeals their case directly to the mayor, Sister Sara, who just happens to be walking by.

I think refering to a mayor as "doll" and "baby" is a jailable offense in every American city.

Anyway, Mayor Sister Sara provides some exposition here, explaining that the women of Belton are led by Big Sister Sybil, who is trying to inspire revolutionary change in gender equality through isolationist means.

Soon, the limits of such an ideology are put to the test, as a female carpenter, working on a nearby roof, suddenly falls and manages to cling to a fragile gutter. Clark and Bruce attempt to come to her rescue, but they are stopped when the police officer draws her gun in order to enforce the local "no male touching" law. Unfortunately, the carpenter falls to her death before the female rescue team can arrive.

Bruce becomes incensed and threatens to "slap some sense" into all the women, which results in the boys getting scooped up and dropped into the local jail's night deposit box.


The heroes find several other men in jail as well, all imprisoned for trumped up charges and phony traffic tickets. As night falls, Clark Jr. uses his superstrength to break out, and the boys don their costumes to investigate the funeral of Sister Jane, the dead carpenter.

In this panel, we see the true educational value that comics provided young readers in the 70s: the caption box explains that the word "pirogue" means "swamp boat" ... and why God why is Superman Jr. lifting Batman Jr. by the taint?!


The trail through the swamp leads to the ceremonial altar of Big Sister Sybil, which looks like what we'd get if the Illuminati had done the production design for Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey.


Big Sister takes the occasion to reprimand Sisters Sara and Diana, who have been having second thoughts about the Big Sister's plans. Big Sister also orders the execution of all the jailed men, so the Super-Sons choose this moment to act and confront the monocular obelisk. This does not go well, and Superman Jr. must enact a quick escape.

The duo hide out in a try while the women begin to form a search party. For no logical reason, the Super-Sons choose this moment to switch costumes in order to confuse the dogs. Bruce, in Superman Jr.'s costume, spies Sisters Sara and Diana being absorbed into the obelisk, and he decides to follow suit. He ends up getting trapped in quicksand while the two women are transformed into hideous alligator creatures--one of those amazing twists that really should come as no surprise in a Bob Haney story.

Clark, in Batman Jr's costume, comes back to rescue Bruce, and as they switch back into their normal costumes, they are confronted by Big Sister Sybil in her real form, which turns out to be the hideous cycloptic creature from the cover.


Both Superman Jr. and Batman Jr. attempt to sway Sybil with reasoned arguments about gender equality, and then Supes decides it's just easier to pick up the nearest large phallic object and beat the shit out of her with it.

That just seems to make the point so much better.

So, the dangerous, divisive creature is defeated. The Super-Sons return to Belton in order to discuss how Sybil, despite her evil intentions, taught them an important lesson about the value of feminism and the ultimate destructiveness of the patriarchal order or any system in which one group forces its will on another ...



Oh wait, that's not what happens.