Blackhawk Wingsdays: The Outcasts of Blackhawk Island!

The Blackhawks have fought and defeated (often by accident) many enemies that threaten the peace of the world. However, Blackhawk 202 (Nov. 1964) reveals one enemy that they simply cannot defeat: age descrimination!



Also in this issue: the Blackhawks actually fly their goddam planes!

I do want to point out, though, that the splash page here is a pants-on-fire liar. As a Blackhawk scholar, I must address this claim that Blackhawk Island has "never been seen by outsiders." In fact, a quick perusal of the Showcase Presents: Blackhawk volume proves that the black knights were letting reporters and others on the island all the time. So, I'm calling bullshit on this.

In this issue, the Blackhawks battle the Hammer, yet another criminal mastermind who uses elaborate machines to commit his crimes, like this giant flying saucer that vacuums up precious minerals.

Though the Blackhawks handily defeat the Hammer's flying saucer, little do they know that the villain has an ulterior motive: he wants to track the team's flight path in order to trace the location of Blackhawk Island.

This is a pretty elaborate plan when he could have just googled "Blackhawk Island location" and gotten the same result.

On the island, the team undergoes some rigorous training, which often results in Hendrickson receiving some ribbing for his age. To prove he's not an old man, Hendy performs a triple gainer and knocks Stan into the water:



Meanwhile, in a sub off the coast of Blackhawk Island, Hammer launches Operation Methusaleh, which involves some kind of green gas that causes all who come in contact with it to age rapidly.

Right here is where Hammer's plan falls apart, even before it gets started. There is a wide variety of poison gases that Hammer could have used here that would wipe out the Blackhawks instantly and give him total access to this secret, uncharted island. Instead, he has to get all fancy with this bullshit aging gas.

The Blackhawks' system of fans keeps the gas--which they think is just a weird green fog--just off shore. Soon, though, a report comes in of pirate activity, and Blackhawk sends Andre, Hendrickson, and Stan out in the Blackhawk sub in order to investigate. In the process, the trio get exposed to the green gas. Of course, if they had just flown in their planes--which is what the Blackhawks do, after all--this wouldn't be a problem.

The three heroes don't actually find any pirate activity, and so they head back to the island. Soon, though, the exposure to the gas takes effect:

Man, I just love how Andre talks to himself in the mirror. Unfortunately, his pussy-hounding days are over as he turns into a decrepit old man.

The same happens to Hendrickson and Stan as well:


Also, in an odd turn of events, Blackhawk's own right arm becomes withered and old, possibly because Andre touched him there.

You don't want to know what else became withered and old because Andre touched it.

With this turn of events, Blackhawk has no choice but to make a drastic decision that opens him up to a huge age-descrimination lawsuit: the three old men must be fired because the team can't waste resources dragging along some senior citizens.

No retirement party, no gold watch--the three seniors are just put in a boat and cast adrift.

This proves to be a huge mistake, as Hammer makes his way onto the island with his various gadgets and has his way with the remaining Blackhawks:


With all the young Blackhawks captured, the three old men return to the island to live out their final days, and since Hammer does not see them as a threat, he lets them do what they want.

However, even as old men, the Blackhawks shouldn't be counted out. All of the senior citizen paraphernalia turns out to be cleverly hidden weapons. Andre's cane is actually a rifle, and Stan's ear trumpet...

Also, Hendrickson has somehow hidden a giant bazooka in his wheelchair:

Once Hammer is captured, the Blackhawks have a couple of dilemmas to solve: one, they need to find out how to de-age their teammates, and two, they need to do something about the fact that Hammer and his henchmen know the location of Blackhawk Island.

Luckily, they have a Nazi machine that will take care of both problems:


The story ends without Blackhawk acknowledging that he was wrong to exile Andre, Stan, and Hendrickson just because they are old. In fact, he could have gotten off by just saying, "It was my plan all along to have the three old men return and save us!" And so, the discriminatory labor policies of Blackhawk Island remain intact and unchallenged.

According to the Grand Comics Database, "The Outcasts of Blackhawk Island" was written by Bob Haney, even though he's not credited in the issue itself. Though this story certainly has touches of that patented Bob Haney insanity, I had always thought Haney didn't come on this book until issue 203. I'll have to double-check my records on this.

Halloween Countdown Day 14: Blackhawk Wingsdays 6

Last week, I promised that Blackhawk Wingsdays would be tied into the Halloween Countdown for the month of October, so for this installment, I picked a Blackhawk story that recalls some of the sci-fi movies of the 50s and 60s. So, here's the main story from Blackhawk 218 (March 1966): "Seven Against Planet Peril," featuring the menace of "The Plantimal!"


As the cover states, The Plantimal is "Half-Plant, Half-Animal--and All Murder!" But I really feel like I need to see the math on that equation.

Though no writer is credited on this issue, this is the point in the series where Bob Haney has taken over scripting from Arnold Drake and France Herron, and he initiated some key changes to the series, including new costumes and more sci-fi-style adventures. So, although Bob Haney is not credited as the writer of this story, I'm pretty certain he did it, as will become apparent soon enough. And, as usual, the art is by Dick Dillin and Chuck Cuidera. Dillin definitely seems to be cutting loose under Haney's scripts and perhaps under the influence of DC's other Silver Age artists, and we are getting to see a style here closer to the one he used on his classic run of JLA.

The story opens with the Blackhawks flying to their very special, isolated vacation retreat. Suddenly, all the buildings in the vacation village fly up in the air, and the Blackhawks have to perform a crazy aerial maneuver that couldn't possibly happen, where they link the planes' rope ladders into a kind of lasso.

It turns out that, stowing away in one of these deserted buildings is none other than "King Blingo," the rightful leader of the planet Ezz, who is hiding out on Earth in exile.

Blingo blames some invisible "Image-Men" for the flying buildings, and then he tries to enlist the help of the Blackhawks to return him to his rightful throne on Ezz.

The Blackhawks and Blingo try to infiltrate the Ezz palace, but they set off an alarm that leads some guards to them.

But they use some awesome teamwork and horrible puns to beat these Ezzians into submission.

However, the leader of the insurrection, General B'Adda, uses an "immobile ray" on the heroes, and they are thrown in prison.

While in prison, the Blackhawks meet A'Dora, the woman who Blingo had hoped to make his queen. A'Dora, however, is a stone-cold bitch.

In the cell, the Blackhawks fear that none of their skills can help them escape, at which point Blingo starts whistling, and a terrible noise comes from outside. This turns out to be the "Plantimal," which totally confounds the Blackhawks' rather rigid sensibilities about life forms.


In fact, they get into a detailed discussion of whether they should water or feed it, put it in a pot or leash it, cook it or eat it raw, or make a baseball bat or a fur coat out of it.

In the end, the Plantimal is not defeated by the Blackhawks' various skills, whatever those might be, but instead by Blingo's newfound superpowers, which include flight and incredible strength.

It's at this point that I have little doubt that Bob Haney wrote this story. Nothing from here on out makes any sense, and a lot of it seems made up on the fly.

Somehow, Blingo and the Blackhawks figure out that he got his powers from some mineral water near the mountain retreat on Earth. Meanwhile, B'Adda kidnaps A'Dora, who is hot for Blingo now that he has super powers. They head to Earth in a rocketship, while Blingo uses his as-yet undefined powers to create a "Super-Air Bubble" around the Blackhawks and carries them to Earth.

On Earth, the Ezzians try to gain superpowers through the mineral water, but it doesn't work, and they instead try to take out the Blackhawks with three different weapons: an atomizer gun, a demolisher ray, and a vaporizer gun.

We never get to see if these weapons will work, though, because Blingo uses his antigravity weapon and drops a house on them.

In the end, Blingo gets to reclaim his throne, but he doesn't quite get the girl, as A'Dora--like all women throughout the universe--succumbs to Andre's undeniable attraction.

Andre, interestingly, does not take the opportunity for some green Ezzian strange, so A'Dora decides it's best to hook back up with the king.

The Gil Kane Punch of the Week 18: 3 Thugs, 1 Punch

My apologies for the lack of posting on this blog over the past week, but the internet connection at the Spec Home Office went out for much of the weekend. And despite our insistence with the cable company that the presence of three cable trucks in the neighborhood might indicate an outage, they were slow to believe us. Unfortunately, you can't solve problems with the cable company the Gil Kane Way.

So, to make up for the lack of content, I've provided a truly awesome Gil Kane punch, in which Robin sends three thugs flying with one shot, while also misquoting my favorite Ratt song:

From "Skis of Death" in Teen Titans 24 (1969), story by Bob Haney, inks by Nick Cardy.

The Super-Sons in "Crown for a New Batman"

Remember the time that Batman died, and a battle broke out as to who would be his successor--a battle that included both Batman's son and his ward, Dick Grayson?

No, not that one. This one:

Fulfilling my theory that everything in comics today is just a variation on something Bob Haney thought up in the 70s, we have World's Finest 228 (a 100-Page Super Spectacular!), featuring the Super-Sons in


A story written by Bob Haney (of course) and drawn by Dick Dillin and Tex Blaisdell (and reprinted in the Saga of the Super Sons trade).

As the story opens, Superman, Bruce Wayne Jr., and Clark Kent Jr. discover that Bruce Wayne has been murdered, apparently while enjoying a pipe and some journaling.

Bruce is clearly killed by a very ornate knife, which should provide some clue as to the identity of his murderer. In addition, Superman gets all CSI up in this place and finds a well-hidden clue:

Clearly, Batman has lost a few steps in his later years. Otherwise, how else do we explain that some fourth-rate killer that left such obvious clues could get the drop on the world's greatest detective?

Word gets out about Bruce Wayne's death, and Alfred even permanently hangs up the Batman costume. As the family gathers to mourn, the subject of Batman's successor comes up:


Dick Grayson arrives back from college to lay claim to the Batman mantle that Bruce Jr. thinks belongs to him.

Wait a minute--Dick's back from college? Exactly how long has he been in school? Didn't he leave for college before Bruce was married and Bruce Jr. born?

Oh, right. Bob Haney.

Bruce Jr. and Dick bury the hatchet long enough to put Bruce in the ground. Then, during the reading of the will, Bruce Jr. and Dick anticipate some closure on their conflict. However, while the will does distribute Bruce Wayne's estate. Alfred is given $20,000 a year for life, which I can't imagine would go very far in Gotham City, even in 1975 dollars. Dick gets a million, while Bruce Jr. and Mrs. Wayne get the bulk of the estate.

However, there is an addendum to the will: Bruce has left $5 million to a "former partner" named Simon Link. No one knows who this beneficiary is, though that mystery is overshadowed by the failure of the will to settle the Batman debate.

Simon Link, however, does appear to claim his inheritance, and surprisingly, no one mistakes him for Oliver Queen.



Link claims that Bruce Wayne invested in his seal-hunting operation years ago, and if $5 million represents the profits of that operation, it must have been one profitable seal-hunting operation.

Also, if this is the kind of thing Bruce Wayne invested in, then I would guess that opening the books on Wayne Enterprise investments would reveal a nightmare of unethical, quasi-legal activities: polar bear boots, elephant ivory, whale oil, rhinoceros horn, panda coats.

Before Link can claim his money, however, the lawyer finds yet another stipulation in the will: Link must take Bruce Jr. to the Arctic to "show him the tough, character-building life of the Arctic seal hunter." Man, Batman was one crappy dad.

So, the whole gang goes along to the Arctic to learn the life of the seal hunter and investigate Bruce Wayne's murder.

Once they arrive, Batman Jr. and Robin decide to take to the water: Junior in a kayak, and Robin water-skiing on an ice chunk behind some seals.

I can't imagine Robin's choice of transportation is particularly effective, but then again, you have to question the judgement of a guy who wears that costume in the Arctic.

They soon find an eskimo named Malook, who is the prime suspect for Bruce Wayne's murder. It turns out, Malook did try to kill Wayne because of his investment in the seal hunting operation, which is destroying his native village. The heroes then turn their investigation on Link, who ends up being the real villain. Once he realizes the jig is up, Link tries to escape by disguising himself as a seal. This turns out to be a really bad idea, unless Link was planning on showing everyone his impression of Bo Derek in Orca.

I love how we see Superman flying around in the background, doing nothing to save Link. You'd figure a guy with super-hearing, x-ray vision, and super-speed could have prevented this.

Once Link is dead, Batman reveals himself to be alive all along, and his death was an elaborate ruse to trap Link--a ruse that Superman was also in on.

Batman claims that faking his own death was necessary to trap Link, but I can't imagine that this was Batman and Superman's only option. After all, we're dealing with a half-assed seal hunter here, not some professional super-villain. I think Batman just liked screwing with everyone--making his family go through the trauma and sorrow of a funeral, changing his will in order to draw out Link. Bruce has a huge legal mess to clean up when he gets back, along with a long list of fraud charges. I have to wonder if this plan was really thought through very well.

One note on World's Finest 228: this may be the Bob-Haneyest comic ever made. In addition to the Haney-penned main story, the issue also reprints Aquaman, Metamorpho, and Eclipso stories by the writer as well. That also makes this one of the most awesome comics ever produced.

The Super-Sons in "The Town of Timeless Killers!"

Continuing with more of the wacky Bob Haney stories featuring the sons of Superman and Batman, here's "The Town of Timeless Killers" from World's Finest 242.

I bought this comic on the newstand in 1976, mainly because I found the cover fascinating. And with that, you can draw a straight line from 7-year-old Dr. K to today's Dr. K.


Back in World's Finest 233, the Super-Sons were driving a Mystery Machine-style van through the American South. Now, they're dunebuggying in the Southwest. Bruce Jr., having been raised in a world where he can rely on his own wealth or the superpowers of his friend to get him out of trouble, shows reckless disregard for property and life by attempting to "thread the needle." He ends up wrecking the buggy, and Clark Jr. escapes from the wreckage but discovers that his powers are gone.

With no means of transportation, they make their way on foot to a nearby ghost town, called Dry Gulch, where they find a strange cemetery.

I love the epitaphs on these gravestones. I wonder, though, to what Mary "objected" that got her killed by "Lever" Monroe.

Also, this panel contains a clue to the story's eventual outcome, but there is no possible way anyone would actually get it.

Before the boys can investigate the cemetery further, they are immediately attacked by "Kid Bowie," who announces himself with a tagline.

Quick lesson in tagline writing: if you have to repeat your name twice in the tagline, it's not working.

Also, Clark Jr. turns out to be a real wuss here. One little cut on the shoulder and he faints dead away. Not such a big tough guy without daddy's powers, huh?

Bruce Jr. then has to carry the useless son of Superman to safety, but his escape is blocked by another of Dry Gulch's residents: Jack Slade.

Just as Kid Bowie threw a knife to Clark Jr. before slicing him, Jack Slade offers Bruce Jr. a sporting chance of defending himself by tossing a gun in his general direction.

Instead of taking him up on the offer, Bruce Jr. ducks down an alley, where he comes under fire from the third gunfighter in Dry Gulch: "Lever" Monroe, who rocks both the poncho and the handlebar mustache.


Bruce manages, somehow, to escape and climb up into a water tower, all while carrying the prostrate half-Kryptonian.

During the night, Bruce leaves Clark behind and searches for information. He first discovers that the town is covered in a force field that keeps them from escaping while also eliminating Clark's powers. Bruce's search also uncovers the true nature of the town's denizens: over 100 years ago, the three killers slaughtered everyone in the town after a mine cave-in released the force field. This plot qualifies as relatively sane for a Bob Haney comic.

While they make their plans, a scream is heard from outside the water tower, and Bruce descends to rescue a young hiker named Suzie Wells, who claims to be threatened by the deadly trio.


Suzie convinces the boys that they need to face their attackers, so they hatch a plan. This plan involves the pair donning their superhero costumes, though where they've been keeping these costumes is unclear.

What follows is a series of plot developments that lead to the defeat of the killers but make very little sense, and they reveal to us today just how little DC thought of its readers' intelligence in the 70s.

1) Batman Jr. stuffs "an old miner's blasting vest" under his costume to protect himself from Kid Bowie's knife. For some reason, this vest appears to be either invisible or in the shape of a well-defined, muscular torso.


2) Superman Jr. challenges Jack Slade to a showdown, but tricks the gunfighter by replacing himself with a mirror. Slade, somehow, does not manage to see his own reflection in the mirror, nor does he see the outline or shadow of the mirror.

Superman Jr. then guns down Slade, but uses bullets made from candle wax to do so. This is bullshit.


3) Finally, Batman Jr. challenges "Lever" Monroe to a sharpshooting contest, where the rifleman has to shoot out a spade from all thirteen cards in the suit. "Lever" does this, but fails to realize that he's emptied his gun. For this, he gets a kick in the face, which makes this the best plan of the three.

Little did we know, however, that Haney had a twist in store for us (albeit one that is telegraphed by the cover, much like in World's Finest 233): Susie Wells is not all that she seems.


Superman Jr. manages to defeat The Bullwhip Queen when his powers suddenly return. Even when I was 7 years old, I called bullshit on this explanation.


Once the bad guys are rounded up, the duo load them into a wagon and take them out through the needle eye that led to Dry Gulch. However, Haney has another twist in store when the villains are brought to the authorities.


Man, I love DC Comics from the 70s, but a story like this really shows how much nostalgia can often mask the sheer crappiness of these comics. I'm curious to see how fans react to the reprints of these stories in the new collection, The Saga of the Super-Sons, which came out yesterday.