Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Blackhawk Wingsdays 11: Nip/Tuck

When last we left the Blackhawks, the team had rescued the famous plastic surgeon, Doctor Von Rath, from a Nazi concentration camp so he could fix the horribly damaged face of team member Andre. Little did they know, however, that the good doctor had been driven mad in his incarceration and may no longer be the great surgeon he once was.

So, that brings us to the beginning of the next Blackhawk story, from Military Comics 10 (June 1942), written by Dick French, and drawn by Chuck Cuidera.

I love this splash page. First, I don't think crazy people tend to admit they are crazy, as the good doctor does here. It's almost like he's making excuses to head off a potential malpractice suit. Second, of course, is Chop-Chop, whose broken English involves randomly pronouncing L's that don't correspond to any R's in English, as in "mlask" and "blogy-man," while pronouncing the R's just fine in "Andre," "iron," and "operate." Also, Chop-Chop straight up threatens the doctor with a meat cleaver.

The doctor manages to perform the operation on Andre, but it will be two weeks before the Frenchman's bandages can be removed. Meanwhile, at a Libyan oasis known as "The Devil's Oven," brave British soldiers are holding off an attack by Nazi-loving Arabs (a phrase for which I do not want to see a single Google hit). The Tommies fight to the last man in a pretty awesome sequence:

I'm just saying, I would totally machine-gun a dude for Iggy Pop.

The Arabs, led by Abul El Hadoun, return all the dead British soldiers on horseback to their fort, with a message letting the British know that they are surrounded by Nazi-loving Arabs.

At some point, two weeks have passed, and Andre is ready for the big reveal. The bandages are removed, and we get to see the French lover's new face:

This is also what happens if you get your plastic surgeon off of Craig's List.

Just after the big reveal, a distress call comes in from Libya comes in, announcing that Abul El Hadoud and the Nazi Baron Von Zeifh have the British fort surrounded. Suddenly, a memory is triggered in Doctor Von Rath: Von Zeifh is the Nazi who tortured the doctor and threw him into the concentration camp, though only after the Baron forced the doctor's daughter to marry him. Von Rath's obsession with the Baron led him to make Andre's face in his worst enemy's image.

That being explained, the Blackhawks head to Libya. There, they provide badly needed reinforce for the depleted Tommies. Also, Andre comes up with a brilliant plan: he can infiltrate the Nazi camp and impersonate Von Zeifh. It's amazing to me that Andre is just coming up with this plan now--you'd think someone would have thought of it on the flight over, at the very least.

As Andre sneaks out of the fort, we enter Von Zeifh's tent, where, just to make sure you understand that this Nazi is a bad guy, he's beating up his wife. Andre then cold cocks him:

Andre then announces to the Nazis that they have been betrayed by the Arabs, which causes them to fight amongst themselves while also providing an opening for the good guys.

So, with a "Tally Ho!" and a "Hawkaaa!" the Blackhawks start filling the Nazis full of lead.

Back at the tent, Andre gloats over his success, while Barbara Von Rath Von Zeifh sneaks up to kill the man she thinks is her abusive husband.

Blackhawk quickly stops her from making a terrible mistake, and then he and Andre stuff her in a laundry bag and fly her to Blackhawk Island.

With his daughter safe and Von Zeifh in custody, Doctor Von Rath suddenly recovers his sanity and his surgical skills, giving Andre his face back.

Andre also gets to nail the woman that he stuffed in a sack, which indicates that he got his groove back along with his face. Also, it appears that "Hawkaa!" not only serves as a battle cry, but also as an annoucement that one of the team is getting some.


Dean said...

That's some quality plastic surgery, for the 1940s.

SallyP said...

So, every time one of they yells's for poontang?

I'll never be able to read Blackhawks again, without sniggering.

Anonymous said...

I googled "Nazi-loving Arabs", and got 6 hits...2 of which were from this blog!

There actually was quite a bit of of pro-Nazi sympathy in many Arab countries in WW2.

Metz77 said...

I think two of the results are from this blog because one result links to the post and one to the main blog page. Congratulations, you are fully one-third of the results for "Nazi-loving Arabs" until you get this post off your main page.